apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
