Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
