Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
