she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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