wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
