my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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