put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
