I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
did i walk over a car last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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