well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
