We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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