can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
