found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
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I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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