Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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