he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize