so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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