ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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