Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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