he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
