Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
