her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
