what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
