Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
