Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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