have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
