he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
