What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
