i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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