I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
