there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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