So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
