i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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