All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
