This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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