you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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