we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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