she looked like the bat from fern gully.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
