You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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