batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
