And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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