I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
