Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
