Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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