piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
