can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
