Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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