there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
