sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
