I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
