I'm drive I can fine osifer
he thought i was a dude.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
