the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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