did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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