You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
