My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
