exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
