You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
