I just cut my nipple shaving
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So vagazzling was a success
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
