She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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