I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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