Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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