So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
