A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
