dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
