Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
