I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
