Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
