you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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