Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
