god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
