i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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