Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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