Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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