Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
